iPfad

New iPad is out.

Like a tampon, only more expensive.

• Intense visuals, including three-dimensional clotting.

• Hardware tough enough to withstand leakage.

• Attention-getting aesthetics — sleek Winged Design™ will turn heads.

• Pets will love it...especially dogs.

• Stay-put adhesive — stick it in the palm of your hand and leave your other hand free!

• Convenient disposability keeps pipes unclogged.

• Customization: scented vs. unscented, light vs. heavy, pink vs. purple.

On the downside:

• Only the flimsy "teen" model will be small enough to conceal in your hand.

Just to be thorough, for those who're not getting the big picture:

Fad is not phat. It's exactly the opposite.

If you happen to own a netbook, an iPhone or an iTouch, a smartphone,etc. and you still have the need to buy this:

You're nothing but a spoilt bitch. Period.